From a random blogroll (cited from Peach Margarita)

Expat Losers in Indonesia: The First Edition*

*we very much hope that the following edition(s) will be out soon!

They very much exist in Indonesia.

They can look decent or simply fugly. But most of them have the same traits: stubborn, narrow-minded and hold strong to ridiculous ideals for ridiculous reasons. And while many of them have already got kicked out of Indonesia, some of them still remain here.

Meet A. He is 40, actually looking OK, previously worked in a big city in the East Coast, before getting the sack – he was freelancing for ten years and never bothered getting fully employed, so when he got the sack, he was left without nothing. A lived for 3 months at his folks’ house before deciding to get some adventure visiting his Eastern European tart girlfriend in the island of Bali (the girlfriend who, by the way, is a complete bigot who loves living in Indonesia but totally hates Indonesians for no reasons).

Oh, we forgot to say that he was divorced twice, too, and had quite a complicated life.

A thought he could conquer Indonesia – he ain’t got any degree and his work domain was not something rare in the archipelago (and after having seen his works, yours truly could confirm that he is average, not excellent but not bad – just average) – and he didn’t intend to work or do anything until he met the Indonesian girl X.

X previously got an old boyfriend who sucked in bed, but financially OK – for one and a half years she sucked money, luxurious pleasures, free holidays and gadgets off him, all the way by flirting here and there. But a month before X met A, the old perv broke up with her (he was caught redhanded cheating on her) and thus she only got a little “goodbye” fund in her bank account.

After meeting X, A got perfectly smitten by her and left his bigot Eastern European tart, moving to Jakarta, hoping he would land a well-paying job. The redheaded tart got angry, and stole about a couple hundreds of bucks but A told everyone she stole a lot. Everyone believed him and thought, oh, how very sad, being in such a bad situation, this guy needs help. But the proof that A was a species of expat loser was what happened afterward.

Not wanting to start off modestly while waiting for opportunity to arise, A got himself a nice room in mid-class kost/boarding house that ate off one third of his remaining cash.

Then yours truly, who was more-or-less friends with A, tried helping him out by giving job links, but most of them are teaching jobs and A thought he wasn’t made for it, and yours truly found out later that he never really applied to any of these jobs (as told by X).

At the end of his first month, A started to have less and less money even though the amount of love was still a lot (but as quoted from X, “Hell, we do NOT eat and live with only love!”). X wasn’t so smitten anymore with him, facts to consider was that A practically ate up her last savings and it wasn’t a good plan for the future. So X dumped him and started flirting around immediately, in front of A, X shamelessly toyed around with engaged men – one of them had an eight-month pregnant fiancee back home (oh and this is deja-vu, for X already screwed around with her own pregnant friend’s fiancee back in the end of 2007, and left no regrets at all).

Meanwhile, A totally ran out of cash and had to go back to his homeland before getting deported.

But A wasn’t acting frugal either, for someone who had no money, he was simply too spendy – he spent about seven hundred bucks in five days – something you don’t really do when you’re running out of money. But he never thought about it – he only wanted to have fun. In fact we doubt that A had ever thought about anything at all – seriously?? You want to succeed in Indonesia? You WORK! (Exceptions if Hilton was your last name or Ivana was your mama)

A only had yours truly to accuse and blame over his failure in Indonesia – well it’s always easier to have a scapegoat when it’s not yourself. He went back to his folks’ home (yes at 40, how very pathetic it may sound) and tried to land a job – already a month has gone by and he still hasn’t found any.

See how that sucks? That’s only the first edition, mind you.

I received this email last year – from Annie K. I am truly sorry Annie it took me so long to publish your story, but I promise I won’t neglect BB anymore now that I have the mobile WordPress (Yay!).

———————

Bitching Babe, I love your blog so much! Please go back to us and update your blog again, we miss the stories!

BB, I’ve noticed so many young Indonesian girls who date old bules in here, or from internet, and it just disturbs me to see how these young girls are ready to give out anything, even their youth, for money, to be with these bules.

They’re usually in their 20s, hail from low class families, have dark complexion and traditional faces, tiny waist and big boobs, big bottoms, and would look sweet if only they didn’t put so much make up and didn’t color their hair in total blonde, which doesn’t suit their complexion at all.

And the bules are usually over 45, bald or greying head, big beer belly and so ugly they don’t get any shots with women in their own country.

I would say we could call these girls “ayam kampung” but they’re not all ayams – sometimes they have a little job or they’re students, but any ayam would do anyone not just bules – these girls would only do bules.

How could we call them?

Hope you’d publish my email!


Annie K.

Jakarta

———————

Annie love, we call them BULE CHASER (can be made into plural form, too, just add an s). Yes, I guess that’s the best way to call them!

Posted by: Bitching Babe of Jakarta | December 19, 2008

9th Story: The BabyKiller

42-19662902Her name was Sally. She was 21, so she told everyone, but in reality nobody knows her real age.

She works as a massage-call-girl, so every time you need her, you call her cellphone and she will come, anywhere, to give you a little massage, or more, should you wish her to.

She would gently rub your pain and your fatigue and jerk you off for a little extra money.

Then one day, mother luck decided to shine on Sally and she met Vince. Vince the prince who fell in love with her, and so off they went into a so-called relationship, and after some time, Sally got knocked up.

Nobody really knew whose baby it was, since she didn’t stop massaging even after he started supporting her financially.

Three months gone, she started to hate the baby.

Four months gone, she started to regret it deeply.

And five months gone, she decided to abort it.

The only problem is, after five months it is not only a lifeless bulk of flesh and blood: it now breathes, its heart beats, its body has formed and it has become, if not entirely, a real human being.

But if you’re a selfish slut, what do you care?

You just went to see that dirty doctor down the dark corner somewhere in Kota and you got it done in an hour or two.

You just let a life being ripped apart, flesh being torn, blood being spilled, and it’s not just anybody, it’s your own flesh and blood.

That’s the point when you can no longer call yourself slut: that’s the moment you must call yourself a murderer.

Posted by: Bitching Babe of Jakarta | December 19, 2008

10th Story: Homewrecking Honey

42-16474502Honey was 19, beautiful, young, fresh and tantalizingly sexy, a real succulent beside the old homegrown weeds of bored housewives.

When Karisma welcomed Honey – a best friend she made on the first day of her freshman year at university – into her home, she had unconsciously set fire to her quiet house life.

For Karisma’s father, 52-year-old Harris, had secretly been nurturing an obsession towards younger women: he was secretly obsessed with those Japanese porn starlets from all the DVDs he got in the bronxy Glodok. And Honey never had a father – all her life she had always been missing and longing to have just one dad, a fact that led her only too often towards underage prostitution she started in high school. Honey had always been a mistress to many old men, men who were old enough to be her father.

The perfect pervert met the perfect little slut.

Shortly after she got introduced into Karisma’s house, Honey and Harris started a turbulent affair – what was actually intended to be casual sex sessions quickly turned out to be a horrid love liaison. Honey was pregnant with twins – yes, a 19-year-old chick is normally (and usually) fertile. And yes, men can still impregnate women until they’re 70 or 80.

Harris left his wife of 33-year-marriage and their four teen-to-adult kids. To be with someone 33 years younger. To say fuck off to all the family life they had built for more than three decades. Love rusts somehow.

Karisma’s family lived in my neighborhood a few years ago and the affair was much talked about. For months and months, women would gossip about the affair over morning teas and toasts, latently warning their husbands, and men innocently dreamed about that hot ass who took away the father of a family.

Years after, I still remember what happened to Karisma’s family after her dad took off with her own best friend: they went bankrupt, for over a year they couldn’t even pay the bills – electricity and water were cut off, as well as the phone lines. At the end, they had to sell the big house they were living in, moved to some far, far away suburbia where it’d take you hours to reach downtown Jakarta, and we’ve never heard from them since.

Fellow girls out there, please listen, and think again, before you become some married man’s mistress, before you wreck a home, think again, listen to your heart, tell yourself about the karma police, what goes around comes around. Don’t be such a selfish bitch!

Posted by: Bitching Babe of Jakarta | October 7, 2008

First Reader Email: The Backstabbing Bestfriend

BB has got her first reader email!

From Nicole, who wants me to publish her story: XXX and OOO!

* * *

Have you ever, been betrayed by someone you loved so much? Someone you adored, who called and hung out with you everyday, whom you go everywhere with, who spent a lot of time actually listening to your love stories of despair because a man you care about just acts like he doesn’t know your feelings.

Well I did, and I know how deep it cuts. Yesterday the truth hit me like a bomb and I just realized that I didn’t even know who she is, anymore. That I could never trust her again. Could not ever.

I found Tara, my own so-called best friend, in bed with Tony. And she knows how I feel about him. Since months. Almost a year now. She exactly knows how I feel about Tony.

The most idiotic part about this was, that I actually bumped on their love affair by a coincidence. I wanted to drop a pair of shoes Tara wanted to borrow from me for a nightout, and it happened that I showed up about half an hour before the appointment, because I had to drive my sister to her friends’ just after. And I didn’t knock on the door. God knows that I never do – maybe I should get myself used to this new habit? Or should I not, because, had I knocked on Tara’s door, never would I have learnt about all the betrayals. I had her apartment’s spare key anyway, so whose fault that was? You should be more careful when you’re backstabbing someone, you know. Especially your best friend.

Tara didn’t even have a word to say when I entered the love scene. She was just too suprised I think, surprised that her game was over. I left as quickly as if I had entered a viral disease quarantine by accident and there had been no better thing to do than leaving as soon as possible – only the virus didn’t attack my heart, it actually stabbed my heart and broke it into painful pieces.

She tried to call me about a 100 times yesterday, and tried to drop by this morning, even a guy from the city’s flower shop called to ask if someone was home to sign a receipt for some stupid flowers from someone who left a message how sorry she was and that she never meant to and that friendship should get through obstacles and some other dumb stuff so long she must’ve paid a lot more to get them written (I asked him to tell me what the message said), but everything she does is just useless now. I can’t be bought by anything. It’s too late now.

I guess love is the worst thing in the world, because were there no love, I wouldn’t feel this way. Yes you can say I’m a drama queen, but the thing is, it really hurts me in all the horrible ways.

I :

1. am (was) Tara’s best friend, or at least I thought so.

2. have known her since the first day at junior high school, which would make it like 13 years.

3. lived with her 4 long and unforgettable college years in Brooklyn before we finished our studies and I got a job in Manhattan and had to quit the flat.

4. have been sharing her my affection for Tony ever since I got to know him.

5. introduced her to Tony so that I could have her opinions (which counted a lot for me) on him – now I’m screaming against the wall, God, why the hell did I???

She :

1. betrayed me.

2. betrayed me.

3. betrayed me.

4. betrayed me.

5. betrayed me.

The list could go on forever, but I’m not wasting my time to write it down!

To hell with Tony, I can’t even care less now. But Tara is – or was – my best friend and she should’ve been the one who understood that this would be the lowest thing one could do to his/her best friends for years. My disappointment’s come to a point where it even beats my anger towards her.

So, have you ever had any Tara’s in your life?

-Nicole, Pratt, NYC-

Posted by: Bitching Babe of Jakarta | October 5, 2008

8th Story: WTF?? The house is MINE, bitch!

The story came from this very day. A supposedly feast day for the muslims, long holiday for the others, a good time for families to gather, also a time to bitch about people we hate in the family. Oh yeah, we loooooooove bitching around.

Auntie Lynn paid a visit to my mama, and off they went, gossiping bitching about Auntie Lynn’s daughter-in-law, the psychotic Ivana. That girl married Auntie Lynn’s son, Reynald, in a pompous ceremony last year, and six months after she gave birth to a baby boy named Elias.

Before she married Reynald, she was a lovely girl who would always smile all the time, who cared about everyone in the family (even the big extended family), who was considered smart and adorable, who quickly conquered everyone’s heart.

Now, that was BEFORE.

AFTER she married Reynald, she turns into this total psychotic bitch who bitches about everyone, every time, full of hatred, ignorant and stupid (proven in many circumstances already), and everyone thinks she needs an anger management therapy.

Bitchiness about Ivana Case 1

She took all Reynald’s savings and put all the money into her own saving accounts. Reynald is left under her mercy, while eventually he is the bird who brings worms everyday into their nest. Ivana doesn’t work, employs a nanny to take care of her baby, sits around watching lousy Indonesian so-called soap operas – the sinetrons, all day long in their 80 sqm flat somewhere in North Jakarta. Her baby never sleeps with her, in fact it’s the nanny who sleeps and takes care about the tiny boy. Lousy mother and a bitch.

Bitchiness about Ivana Case 2

She likes to brag about her designer handbags and jewelries. Problem is, her handbags are all fake and her blings are all borrowed from her mother-in-law (whom she fucking hates, by the way). She thinks we have no idea, but girlfriend, it is you who haven’t got any faintest idea about what we know. Effing liar and a bitch.

Bitchiness about Ivana Case 3

Before they moved to their own 20-year-mortgage leased flat, Ivana and Reynald lived at Reynald’s parents’. Auntie Lynn’s. But one day, Auntie Lynn popped up at the house without having called first, and you know what happened? Ivana slammed the door in front of her mother-in-law, without any purposes, screaming loudly so all the nosy neighbors had something to talk about the next day:

“The house is MINE, bitch!!”

WTF? The house, most of all things, is not hers.

Poor Auntie Lynn. She should’ve enforced a psychological test before her son married that crazy bitch.

Posted by: Bitching Babe of Jakarta | September 28, 2008

7th Story: The Whore who cries “WHORE”

The whore in question is called Non. Nonsense, and completely stupid I would say.

She had this Japanese sugar daddy for about four years, who gave her a lovechild (both her kids are bastards, mind you – her eldest daughter was conceived when she was 19, and she doesn’t even know where her father is now).

When the Japanese sugardaddy found out she had been whoring herself to younger men without future (well, the old man gave her money but not enough sex, the younger ones satisfied her indecent pleasures but not that much money) he dumped her from the apartment he rented and left her without further notice and without a penny left – it’s hard to maintain the luxury lifestyle when you’re already used to it and you’ve forgotten the scum life you once had.

She used to have a lot of money falling down from the sky, she had to do nothing, just enjoying her life everyday, but she had to fuck up that good entertained life and now, penniless, jobless, she had to come back into the bordel life she had forgotten so long: she now tries to make ends meet by accompanying Japanese, Chinese and Korean men to go karaoke, and singing isn’t only the job description necessary to please these Oriental sex-crazed bosses. Jugun Ianfu era hasn’t ended yet. Only now they get paid for that, but for a very low fee, and when they’re tired or ill, nobody cares. Plus-plus karaokes don’t pay for their girls’ health insurance.

I hadn’t met Non for like, months! She called me about a week ago, asking if I had any job opportunities for her.

I don’t run a bordel, remember? I wanted to say, but instead I politely told her I couldn’t help, and then she asked me news about some mutual friends.

Then, having heard that one of our mutual girl friends has now landed a rich old daddy for herself, Non, our heroine, told me bitterly, “Yeah, the easiest way to get money is to spread your legs. What a whore,” she said.

Now, I told myself, that’s new, a whore who cries “WHORE”?

Stupid bitch.

Posted by: Bitching Babe of Jakarta | September 28, 2008

6th Story: Ferlani and Her Online Money Machine Man

I thought she was more intelligent and worthier than that.

Well, maybe my innocence hasn’t really worn out despite having seen so much of these moneygrubbing whores… Let me tell you the story about Ferlani.

Ferlani is 5ft 3 inch tall, a skin as dark as night, curly hair dyed in total blonde, pouty blowjobby lips, not a beauty by Indonesian standard, as she has this look of real Javanese peasant (or, most Indonesians gladly say it out loud, “Muke pembantu” – hope that helps!), meaning, far from the Indonesian standard of beauty as in light skin, fair black hair, beautiful face, and slender body.

Nevertheless, opposite attracts. What we consider not a beauty is considered by others as divine. There came the cliché that most bule males prefer women that most Indonesians wouldn’t even look twice.

Ferlani has seen a lot of Caucasian suitors admiring her, and since in the green archipelago, sadly, most Caucasians equal green bucks equal money, she is ready to give everything to have a bule husband.

I got to know Ferlani for quite a long time already before I realized she was as golddigging as the others I mention in my stories.

So, the story is, she found this strange goody-two-shoes man from the land of chocolate, Switzerland. The man is 46, unmarried, still living with his mama, and from what he said, extremely rich. They met online on some bizarre dating site and soon after, started cybersexing online.

Not long after, the old bachelor has become so smitten of Lani that he already plans to come over to Jakarta by the end of the year, just to meet his Venus. And before they even met, he already pours and pours Swiss francs into her bank account.

“Well, but I’m not at all in love with him,” said Lani, giggling hysterically, a brand new Rp 5-million digicam in one hand, the other squeezing a long tulipe champagne glass.

“And you accept the money anyway?” I asked in a casual way.

“But of course! He has to pay to see me naked, I ain’t exposing my titties online without him paying anything. Even whores on any sex cam sites got paid for that!” She sloshed down her champagne. “Delicious. I’ve always loved expensive boozes,” she caressed her brand-new golden ring smoothly.

OH YEAH, I said to myself. You love money, don’t you. I’m sure you do.

But what about:

1. Him being completely and utterly strange. Imagine, 46-year-old, that desperate to get laid, ready to pour money to any third-world-country girl just to see some random naked body? Oh please. And that would make all East European tarts from Prague lose their jobs.

2. There must be a hidden agenda. He must be either psycho, impotent, or simply a freak. Come on, the same trick has been employed everywhere. Remember the story about Armin Meiwes the German sicko.

3. Him coming here and realizes you’re not that good and he wants a refund?

Well, that’s the problem about digging money the online way: you’ll always have an unpleasant surprise.

Posted by: Bitching Babe of Jakarta | May 30, 2008

5th Story: Polygamist and Proud of it

Name: Yenny.

Age: 22.

Status: Second wife.

Previously worked as: Secretary.

Life: Complicated.

Love: Complicated.

Finance: Excellent, never been better.

Sex life: Sucks, but he’s my husband, so…

Marked: Homewrecker.

Fears: That ugly first wife of his coming here to shout at me again, and the old fat bastard husband of mine leaving me before I get a decent house and a big bank account.

And she said she never gave that a thought before being a second wife and entered the polygamous life she had never wished of??

Bitch.

Posted by: Bitching Babe of Jakarta | May 30, 2008

4th Story: Simply and Purely Lunatic Bitch

So, she calls herself a model, but she retired to pursue more established career and life.

She has supposedly modeled for Roberto Cavalli, Armani, Gucci and Donna Karan in her New York days, was supposedly friends with all Indonesian fashion icons and upscale socialites before she left Jakarta, always says she didn’t really give a damn about fashion, though, she had only done it for living.

When I first met her a couple years ago, I thought she was cool, despite all these strange things I had been noticing about her. I simply closed my eyes and pretended it was the part of being her. She must’ve had her own ways somehow.

But about a year ago, I found out that she was simply insane.

How would you like to know more about her???

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